the break
by JAMKAJ XD
Summary: this is my first story, it is based on what i felt and what happond between me and my xgirlfriend
1. Chapter 1

**The Brake**

Every day just seem to go by so fast, but now life is slowly passing by stuck in this day and age, the dark feeling taking over my mind, like a creature slowly consuming me. Only this creature isn't anything that can be seen or touched, this creature made only of darkness and twisted thoughts corrupting your mind. It's almost as though someone is playing a sick game with your mind, putting thoughts in there then telling you things that you know aren't true, but yet you still listen, your couriers mind makes you listen without thought you believe everything they tell you and for what reason? Just because it's your mind? Or is it the thought of the hatred brought upon you from a few words? These voices sound right, feel right, but ... are they? They tell you that she never wonted you, to please herself with your love and passion, to hold you close and through you away like a broken toy. These feeling are nothing, nothing compared to the pain you feel, the thoughts and voices in your head just make things feel worse. Flash backs of the time we spent together, valentine's day, going out together and worst of all flash backs of having sax together. Just like locking an animal in a cage and continually prodding it with a stick, at first you get a reaction, fighting back, trying to get rid of it, then after a while you start to ignore it you know it's there but you just leave it. Look at in discus at the most. By now I hope you're wondering what those few words where. Just a small sentence and my heart were smashed. Like a verse of black roses being dropped on the ground. Glass shattering in a flurry of black petals and water. Those words still ring in my ear, with a tear in her eye and in a very quiet voice she told me "I don't love you"

I felt as though I had been stabbed, I was sure that I had done something wrong to upset her. But no, she didn't love me, after three and a half months, she tells me she doesn't feel the same way.

I thought nothing could come between us, everything I thought you was, gone within seconds and replaced with the shear emptiness and hatred for the person I loved so dearly. I didn't know what to do, people told me things took a turn for the worst, if that was true then where would I be now?

The feelings of wonder puzzled my mind for days.

A few days passed, those days turned into a week and destiny brought me love again, one flame dies out and another is brought to life, the glowing red desire, passion and attraction, doesn't just take you to that person, but grabs you by the arm and drags you to them.

The scars from the voices run deep within my mind and my body. I remember everything, the lies that where told and the good times we had. These memories are like knives every time I take a look at them they hack me down again.

Scared and broken I move on, burning the memories of the person who broke me so suddenly, and for some strange reason I thank her for that, because I found out that destiny is like a maze of locked doors.

You just have to find the right key.


	2. Chapter 2

Lost, confused and upset. lost in my thoughts and wonder, wondering why? and for what?

mistories clouding my mind, like a fog drowning the path ahead.

But still...

things dont seem to be as bad as i thought they would be, working back to a friends house confused and lost in thought and wonder, blinded with tears, A thought crossed my mind, feeling this low, whilest working across a bridge that crosses a busy motorway, all's i have to do is jump, not even that, i could just step off the edge, wait for something big and heavy to come by and...

WHY THE HELL AM I THINKING LIKE THIS! angraly thinking to myself.

ok lets just get to danny's house and he'll help me.

what else could go wrong? its not like life is going to get any worse.

who cares anyway, who am I trying to kid anyway. i thought to myself, as i slumped onto a public bench.

What else could go wrong i keeped thinking to myself, thats why i was badly mistaken, so much more that could go wrong, and after all, who cared? realy who did?

that question was fiddiling with my mind, proding and poking at it like an animal locked in a very small cage.

Eventually after blindly working with tear full eyes, i arrived at danny's house, hoping he was in, i knocked at the door and waited a few minutes or so, the minutes felt like hours, eventually i come to the conclusion that he wasn't in. after working away from his house i dident know what to do or where to go, i hoped he would be in so i had some one to comfort me, and help me regain my normal self, but the one person i was relying on, wasn't there.

Demorolised, angry, confused and upset, i walked home, got into the house and ran up stairs before anyone could see the pain i was in.

Sat in the darkness of my bedroom i thought about some of the things i had been through in life, some of the things i had planned out, and almost did, and some of the things that i did, the with a blade i pulled out of a razor, with the blade in hand i raised my arm, and with the weight of my hand droped it onto my wrist with a lifeless swing, slicing into my arm, with a huge slash, and the sound of flesh ripping, the blood almost insently came to the surface then dripped, the dark red droplet sempet to take forever to reach the floor, glistening as it fell through a ray of light peeking through a gap in the curtain in the darkness of my room i staired at the dark red spot of blood, and felt a lonley shiver of cold jolt down my spine, shortly after another drop followd it, and another, then i felt a warm trickle of blood run down my wrist and to the tip of my finger, before falling through the darkness, to join the rest, when i looked back at the spots of blood, i felt faint, dizzy and a sudden sickening turn in my stomach almost made me through up, gipping once or twice before dearing to leave my room for a glass of water.

just knowing that my mom or brothers will notice the gapping slice in my arm was to much to bare. Cutting my self just added to the list of unwanted feelings.

two or three days passed feeling like this, almost every night crying my self to sleep before falling onto the same nightmare as i did the night before. question after question, thought after thought, night by night, all slowly and painfully passed by, most night went by with blood dripping from my arm, a month or so passed, with the same things passing by, day by day, cut by cut, and eventually the kindness of a friend came to hand, one painfull day passed after another, wearing a false smile to seem like a happy and joyfull person, after a while, i started to realise the pieces of my broken heart was slowly coming together again.

The kindness of strangers can change so much, with in a matter of days, the days quickly became weeks, and a friendship turned to a bond, then that bond turned to a crush. then after a few weeks with this painfull little crush was stopped dead in its tracks, after asking if she was intrested, but was shortly followed by a "no, i see you more as a friend then anything else, and besides that im not looking for a relationship right now, sorry"

I was a little bit upset about it, but i thought to myself well at least she was straight to the point about it, and gave me sympathy, with a sorry and a hug.

what started the bond and the crush was the help and friendlyness Beth gave to me, all of the things i explainded to her about the break up, was hard for me and some times when we was talking there would be a tear that would slowly run down my cheek, just the one single teardrop, when the name was mentioned.

with scared wrists and a some what strange smile, for once in a while i felt happy. happyness was a strange feeling to me after beeing along and sepressed, for so long.

but still the sadness was always there, tormenting my mind and questioning the reason why?...


End file.
